Always

Though I try to disguise your name, I know our friends know this is for you Clark. I also know I sent this sms to you today and have posted it already in your blog but I am also putting this here so I may never forget, always --- this part of me I try so hard to erase right now if only to cope with the pain, but is etched ever so deep not even a hundred lifetimes could erode.

I meant to share with you a line from the movie "Always" which Richard Dreyfuss' chraracter mouths as his spirit talks to his girlfriend (Holly Hunter who is somewhat oblivious to his presence in this scene). He says something to the effect of, "The love we hold back is the greatest and perhaps only real pain that follows you in death."

While I am in so much pain now, I know it is because I miss Clancy and not because we both held back on each other. Am proud to say that I love the life we had, I love the love we shared -- we loved each other so well. Maybe in my case that is what makes it very painful, the fact that I had it so good and now I have to be severed from that goodness momentarily.

And for all my circuitous rambling, I want to tell you that you should go and love whom you love. Don't go through life wishing you had done something about it rather than nothing. The one we love is always worth our love even if people around us think otherwise. I hope that helps answer your question if you should drive all the way somewhere to drop off that gift. Have a good rest Clark, it's been a long 24 hours of wanting and waiting.

I love the love we have Clancy .....