43 Things: I Have Done This --> Go Out On "Date Nights" With My Spouse On A Regular Basis

Magic.

Out on a date in New Delhi Restaurant Boracay 1999

Often we let the overwhelming responsibilities of marriage, parenthood control us. We forget the small and big things that used to keep the passion going in our relationship. Dating regularly helps blow some of that magical pixie dust back. It reminds us and helps us to continuously fall in love with our spouses everyday.

Out on a date in Malaya Restaurant Sydney 2004

43 Things: I Want To Be Happy Again

Forgetting is so long as Neruda would say.

It has been quite awhile since I have been completely happy. I want to go back to my old happy self. People in my life need for me to be happy. I need for me to be happy.

43 Things: I Want To Be Less Sad & Melancholic Since Clancy Passed Away

Life Is Beautiful.

Life was once beautiful, it still is I think but I my sadness sometimes prevents me to see it that way. I know Clancy wouldn’t want me to be sad and I know he would want me to be happy. I have not been the same since he died and I miss the woman I was, the woman he fell in love with.

43 Things: I Have Done This --> Get A Job I Love

Loving it.

When you love your job or what you do for a living you can only but excel in it. I am fortunate that I not only have a job I love but also people I love working with. And in times of personal crises it’s about the only thing that keeps me sane and gives me a semblance of normalcy (aside from my daughters of course).

Here are photos with people I love from my workplace.

Office friends: Josell, Celine and Manny.

Clients and Office Friends: Noel, Bongo, Josell, Gilbert, Eya, Peter, Ricki.

43 Things: I Want To Take More Photographs

A Passage Through Time.


I have 2 digital cameras and 2 phones with built in cameras and while I have managed to chronicle my face day to day the last 3 months I have failed to take photos everyday of my two beautiful daughters. One day they will be all grown and I will forget where the time went.


Taking photos of them everyday will help me remember each and every single day they had if they were sad, happy, whatever was happening in their lives. When I am old and gray all I need is to look at these photos again and it will all come back to me.

43 Things: I Want To Learn To Live A Little

Baby Steps.

I stopped living when Clancy passed away. I feel like a drone waking up each day and going through the motions. I want to be able to taste the wine I drink, look at beautiful flowers and smile, appreciate the smell of clean air.

I want my heart to feel alive again. I want to know the words hope, believe, love, happy once more. I want these back because I want to be able to teach my children about it. I cannot give them what I do not have. They will have to learn these things by watching me. I do not want my daughters to learn about being BROKEN from me.

43 Things: I Want To Allow THe Joy OF Memories To Replace The Pain Of Loss

Missing Clancy.

I want to stop crying everytime I think about Clancy. I want to be able to be happy with the memories I have of him. I want to stop hurting from losing him.

43 Things: I Want To Wake Up Smiling

I miss this feeling.

I used to wake up smiling always. If there was one thing Clancy loved about me it was my smile. He used to tell me that my face was not made for tears, only smiles.

It was a great feeling to wake up smiling because each new day meant another day of living my dream with Clancy and my daughters. Since he passed away he has taken that smile with him. I miss it.

43 Things: I want to read more Poetry

Of Love and Neruda

I have been sad for a quite some time since Clancy passed away. I was told by my family therapist to write because it helps in the healing process. But it felt too painful to write and when I started reading Neruda again, it helped to read his words about longing, sadness, yearning. It’s as if he knew me and wrote all that I felt. For a moment I did not feel too alone.