The Thief

To love the one who loves you
To admire the one who admires you
In a word, to be the idol of one's idol
Is exceeding the limit of human joy
It is stealing fire from heaven
- Delphine de Girardin-

I married the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, the daughters I have are the children I dreamed of having long before I became a mother, the job I have today I had always wanted and loved, and a family which was the envy of everyone. I had it all, I had it all. I had it all until Clancy passed away.

There are days when I am so proud of myself, how I've held up so well the last few days, weeks, months. And then, it's as if Clancy whispers into my ear, "I'm here," I would just snap and start tearing copiusly. How do you recover from the loss of a child or a lifetime partner? You don't. You never will. The pain does not change nor does the hurt that is etched deeper with each day into your heart. It is assimilated by your system and becomes part of you forever.

I loved the one who loved me, I admired the one who admired me. I was the idol of he whom I idolized. I exceeded the limit of human joy and stole fire from heaven. Yes, all that, once upon a time.

I miss you Clancy. And across whatever there is between where I stand and where you are, know that you have my love completely, still.